I thought I am on a vacation mode that I requested to pass this issue.
The commemoration day, however, of the death of thousands in New York
City and the personal experience of death in the family constrained
me to say something about grief and personal losses.
"What is the loss in your life that you have never fully grieved
over?" I was once asked by my parson one day over a cup of coffee.
The question was seemingly innocuous but as I ponder it over, I realized
it is an important question that had been neglected.
Over the years I discovered that in my journey through life I have
unfinished business that weighs me down as unnecessary emotional and
psychological baggage. I am not aware that those experiences trivial
as they are to others yet those are occurrences categorized as a loss.
I did try to ignore the loss, only to resurface over and over as residuals
implanted in my inner consciousness. More oftentimes than not, even
when a loss is recognized, I dismissed it nonchalantly when I ought
to deal with forthrightness in order to recover. I grew up in an environment
that grieving is taboo. But earthly life is full of losses.
Loss, as spelled differently from loose, is an inevitable companion
in life. In our life's journey, we pass through various stages and
it includes losses. For instance, when I graduated from high school,
I experienced the loss of fellowship of childhood friends and familiar
surroundings. But I have to move on to pursue post-secondary studies----move
to an alien environment and unfamiliar milieu. I cannot avoid it.
You cannot avoid it. We cannot avoid it. Some are sudden others are
gradual. Some cause us to be racked with pain, while others provoked
us with mixed responses.
Losses are prevalent in the first part of life. Most are developmental.
But in the mid to latter years losses are inescapable. When we reach
60 or 70 years old, no one could negate life would soon be over. In
other words, losses accumulate in later life. Losses build upon losses.
Each loss is linked to previous losses and in a sense foreshadows
the ultimate loss of life itself.
When losses are infrequent it is easier to handle. Curiously, a number
of us do not talk about our losses. Nobody likes to be viewed as losers.
But as people of the faith, we ought to be best equipped to handle
loss and grief because of available resources. Unfortunately, this
is not true all the time to everybody. Gleaned from personal experience
and stories of other people we lack sufficient instruction and guidance
on both the recognition of loss and healthy grieving.
For instance, according to some studies, mourning a natural death
takes a year or more depending, of course, on various influences.
The intensity of grief peaks again a few months later and may be as
strong during the initial days. The loss of a child is called the
"ultimate bereavement". It is somewhat unnatural when a
son or daughter dies ahead than the parents.
Life is a blending of loss and acquisition. Every loss brings the
potential for permanent devastation and stagnation, or change, growth,
new insights, understanding and refinement. If there is to be wholeness,
such growth requires both grieving and perhaps comfort from a trusted
friend to help in going through the process.
Any event that destroys a person's understanding of the meaning of
life is a loss. Migration, having a child leave home, seeing an ideal
or dream shattered, changing jobs, experiencing economic failure,
job rejection, going through divorce, break up of relationship, experiencing
death are all losses.
Life is sacred. Life is a gift. Life is short and fragile. Life must
be handled with care.
